you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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