he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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