you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
