I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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