i think my mom watched the whole time
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize