I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
