Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
