There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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