Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
