My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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