im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
