is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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