New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
