im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
