porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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