wanna go halves on a baby?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
