Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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