Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
