Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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