THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
