It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
