I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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