Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize