She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
