He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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