im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
