So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
