Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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