8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
