So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want nice things and good sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
