I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize