Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
