your parents love me but you hate me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
