just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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