who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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