i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
