Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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