is your mom at the bar?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
