Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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