I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
