I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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