Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
