I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
