dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
