I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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