I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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