I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
