Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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