i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
