Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Boobs speak an international language.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
