problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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