Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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