Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
