i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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