Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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