your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
