My hand turned me down
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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