I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
