i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
