Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
