really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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