you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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