Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
