I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
