I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
