I'm really into asian looking animals
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
